Do not say these things even by mistake to a person immersed in grief (Image Source: AI-Generated)
Lifestyle Desk, New Delhi. Happiness and sadness keep coming and going in life. When someone close to us, a friend or a relative is going through some deep sorrow or shock, our first attempt is to support them. We want their pain to subside, but often despite good intentions, we inadvertently say something that hurts them instead of comforting them.
Words have great power – they can unite or break someone. Psychologists believe that some advice given at the time of bereavement acts as 'salt on the wounds'. Let us know those 6 things which you should avoid saying to anyone in times of sadness.
"Whatever happens, happens for the good."
This is the worst thing you can say to a grieving person. If someone has lost their job or is struggling with betrayal in a relationship, there is nothing 'good' about it for them. Hearing this at that time makes them feel that you are underestimating their pain. Instead, just say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time."
"Everything will be fine, give it time"
Yes, it is true that time heals big wounds, but when a person is suffering in pain, he is not worried about the future. He is finding it difficult to spend his 'today'. When you say everything will be okay, they feel like you want to hastily end their current problem. Remember, instead of talking about the future, stay with them in the present. Say, "I'm with you, no matter how long it takes."
"I can understand what you're going through."
The truth is that you cannot understand. Every person's grief and experience is completely different. Even if a similar incident happened to you, your relationship or circumstances may be different from theirs. This sentence can make the other person feel irritated. Instead, say honestly, "It's hard for me to even imagine what you're going through."
In our society, crying is often considered a sign of weakness, whereas crying is a natural way of releasing stress. Stopping a sad person from crying is like strangulating his emotions. Stopping tears does not end the pain, rather it makes the person sick from within. Instead of saying this, let them cry. You give them a shoulder or extend a tissue paper. Sometimes sitting and crying together is the biggest help.
Sentences with "at least..."
"At least he got to see the grandkids' faces" or "At least you have another child." When you use the word 'at least', you are unconsciously comparing their losses. There is no 'small' or 'big' in sorrow. Any comparison seems like an insult to their pain. Therefore, avoid comparison. Just listen to them and support them in silence.
"Now you have to be strong for others."
Often this is said to the elders in the house or to some responsible person, but at the time of grief the person is broken from within. Telling him to “be strong” puts another burden on him. He feels that he does not even have the right to express his grief. Every human being has the right to be weak and broken. In such a situation, reassure them that it is normal for them to feel weak right now. Say, "You don't need to be strong right now, we are all with you."
It is difficult to find the 'right words' in times of grief and the truth is that there are no magic words. Silence is often more effective than words. Holding someone's hand, hugging them, or simply sitting quietly next to them – these gestures show that you really care. Next time you see someone in pain, instead of giving 'knowledge', just 'support' them.
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